Finished listening?

Exactly! Superb job, Puzzler!

Ernie looked up from the GPS and announced “Destination reached, in eight hundred feet.” Ells and Ernie looked at the picturesque scene in front of them, and then together shifted their eyes 800 feet further down the road, where they saw the actual Cozy Slopes Inn.

Though it was a warm summer afternoon, shadows seemed to stretch out toward the manor and a chill went down the investigators’ spines as they gazed upon what could’ve been the picture next to the encyclopedic entry for “haunted house.” Clearly they had forgotten the first rule of detectiving: normal houses can have passages, but only spooky houses can have secret passages.

To their credit, the gulp noise that ensued was only semi-audible, and they proceeded to Cozy Slopes. While they walked the long driveway to the front door of the inn, Ells told Ernie about recently starting another re-watch of her favorite show, Maxine Morton, Mystery Mechanic. (I, myself, absolutely adore the show Maxine Morton, Mystery Mechanic. Maxine owns an auto shop and stumbles into solving crimes on the side. Each episode she uses her problem solving skills and expertise in machinery to construct a gizmo used to catch the culprit. Ells had just rewatched the pilot episode which is one of my favorites, so I had to pause reading for a quick 23 minutes while I too rewatched this episode.)

When I returned back to the book, Ells had just finished telling Ernie about the official Season 1, Episode 1: Maxine Morton, Mystery Mechanic Maker Kit that she had purchased. It included all the parts and instructions needed to construct a pocket-sized, battery powered strobe light. When Ernie asked if she had it with her and if he could see it work, Ells said that she did, but he couldn’t because batteries were not included. When the duo arrived at the front door of Cozy Slopes Inn, their new client greeted them and ushered them into the manor. Fern asked if Ells and Ernie were hungry, to which they replied a resounding, “YES,” and the three adjourned to the kitchen. Fern said the chef had made vodka pasta for lunch and dished up two heaping plates. Ells asked if she should grab a third plate for Fern, but Fern said she’d already eaten. Ells had already deduced this because of the red sauce stains on Fern’s shirt, but was trying to be polite by not mentioning it.

Over lunch, Ells and Ernie peppered Fern with questions and Fern explained that she and her previous business partner, Cora, had converted the manor into a B&B several years ago. Fern recounted some events that happened many years ago, so I’ll make a going-back-in-time sound effect here. Ready? WoOoOoOo. That was fun. You should try that. Ok, back to it. Fern recounted that Cora handled the kitchen, while Fern managed the front desk and all the employees. Business took off like a rocket. In fact, the B&B had even started to attract some celebrity guests.

She said that during this time, renowned artist Sebastian Palmer booked a few weeks at the inn to work on his famous painting Blizzard at Midnight. Cora began acting suspiciously during his stay and on the night before the artist was set to depart, Fern saw Cora sneaking through the halls.

Spotting a chance to show off her powers of deduction in a way that wouldn’t be impolite this time, Ells guessed that Cora stole the artwork and was trying to escape with it. Fern confirmed that Ells was correct and that Cora had stolen the artwork from Sebastian Palmer’s room, and that when she started following Cora, Fern saw that she was trying to escape through the nonexistent secret passage in the library. Apparently, during the recent renovations to the kitchen, Cora had seen the passage marked on the blueprints, and when she got a chance to add Art Thief to her résumé, she took the opportunity. Fern hadn’t ever told Cora the story about the never-constructed passage which only existed on paper, and Cora was not aware that she had no escape route until well after she was caught.

Fern explained how she quietly smoothed things over with the artist, and she told Ells and Ernie that no charges were ever brought against Cora. Fern and Cora dissolved their business partnership. Fern said she hadn’t seen Cora since, but that Sebastian Palmer still visited regularly and that the library was, in fact, his favorite place to paint from.

Alright, here’s a traveling-back-to-present-day sound. WoOoOoOo.

After Ells and Ernie had finished their lunch, Fern asked both Ells and Ernie what their favorite colors were. The detectives were a bit confused, but both answered the question. Fern said all would be made clear when they saw their rooms and she led the way. Ells was staying in the Emerald Yacht room and Ernie in the Golden Mermaid room. When Ells opened the door to her room, she saw that it had a fitting name, as on the far wall of the room there was a large, stunning mosaic of an emerald yacht made from all different shades of green tiles. Fern said that though renovations had occurred throughout the years, the tile mosaic in each bedroom had been preserved in its original state, having been installed when the manor was first built by her great-great grandparents. After Fern excused herself saying she would meet the detectives at the door to the library in a half hour, Ells spent a few minutes tipping the books from a book case in her room back and forth just in case there was another secret passage to be found, conducting a cursory search of the room, which turned up nothing of note except for a small flashlight that Ells pocketed, and marveling at the mosaic which was impeccable except for a few tiles that were missing, or possibly never installed.

Ells ventured out of her room to find Ernie, and as the duo made their way to the library, Ells noticed a guest sitting by a window who seemed very serious about the crossword they were working on and had a small pug laying at their feet. At the same time, Ernie noted that a bellhop who was coming in from outside was carting a set of blue suitcases of varying sizes.

Ells and Ernie met Fern outside the library, as planned. Fern told them that she hadn’t thought much about the so-called passage since the incident with Cora, until yesterday when she walked into the library and saw the askew bookshelf. When asked if maybe she just didn’t know the passage existed, Fern replied, “No way, I redecorated this room myself last year. I would have known!”

When Fern turned to excuse herself, Ernie questioned where she was going, and was told “Oh, I am much too scared to enter that dark, cramped passage. That’s why I called you! The library and the grounds in general are yours to explore. I’ll be in my office. Feel free to come find me if you need me.”

Ells and Ernie were pleased to have been hired for this case, but after Fern left and they entered the library and saw the shadowy entrance behind the ajar bookshelf, were slightly less pleased and slightly more terrified. However, as self-proclaimed experts of odd problems they realized that they had a reputation to uphold.

Playing for time, Ernie walked over to a couch in the center of the room. He sat down decisively on the couch and after a minute proclaimed to Ells with only a slight tremble in his voice, “I think we should examine the passage–”

Actually, Ernie had more to say, but I don’t want to spoil it for you. Press the continue button and when you know what else he said, type it into the box, and I’ll know that you know enough that we can both talk about what we know. But at the same time, I’ll know that you don’t know the half of what’s coming. Not that I’m saying anything twisty is coming, you know?